Wahlburgers To Be New Kid On The Block In Philadelphia

logo-3So apparently Marky Mark has some brothers and those brothers have a burger shop and that burger shop has a reality show on A&E. We have seen exactly zero of these episodes and do sincerely hope to die with that number intact. But, it is our sacred duty to honor the oath we took when we became a Philadelphia Phood blogger and keep you informed on the haps in town. Well, the show and the restaurant are based in Boston but franchises are coming to Philadelphia as well as Totonto. Wahlburgers has announced that late this year, or possibly early 2015 they will open up a franchise right here.

The Hingham MA location has indoor and outdoor seating, a full bar, and counter and table service. We suppose the Philadelphia location’s location and Pennsylvania’s medievil-to-everyone-except-people-from-Utah liquor laws would dictate if that is possible. We will see.

If you go – a year from now – try the Bosstone Burger with the Wicked Awesome Sauce. Avoid the Yastrzemski Fries, they’re always a little old. The Belichiken sandwich is too salty, but gets the job done despite being poorly dressed with wilted lettuce. Do have a Green Monster Shake with a Vinnie Chaser. Ok, we could go on like this for another month or two but you get the idea. We’re about done.

Celebrate American Jewish Heritage Month Early With Manischewitz

matzo box

So May is National Jewish American Heritage Month, which we suppose was chosen because it coincides with The Fourth of Israeli July. But it doesn’t get much Jewier than right now, deep in the heart of Passover. If we were playing the $24,000 Pyramid and you were trying to get me to say, “Things on a Seder Table” It wouldn’t take very many clues before you said, “Manischewitz“. Though we’ve not seen their business plan, it’s pretty easy to conclude this is the Christmas season for the New Jersey, (via Cincinatti) company. It’s not hard to find people who like to profess that they love matzoh and eat it all year round, but we’ve yet to see any of those folks actually munching on the stuff out of season. So no time like a couple of days before the Last Seder to show you one of the box backs that has been designed for May.

In honor of Jewish American Heritage Month (JAHM) and just in time for Passover, Manischewitz® is releasing limited run packaging on each of its 5 matzo boxes inside 5-lb packages! The matzo boxes feature fun and factual information about notable Jewish American inventors, comedians, historical figures, and more. These fun facts are sure to entertain and enlighten over breakfast or at the Seder table. Some of the Jewish American figures featured include Ann Landers, Estee Lauder, Sandy Koufax, Irving Berlin, and the inventors of the Barbie doll, Superman and Reddi-wip. Each of the 5 boxes offers a different story to tell.

If you really want to learn more about JAHM and this year’s theme, American Jews and “Tikkun Olam: Healing the World, you can click over here and see what they’re calling “An interactive clearinghouse for programs and activities across the country.” Visitors to the site have the opportunity to enter events in their own communities, learn about national programming, download educational materials, and garner ideas for local celebrations.

Either way, we’re pretty happy that the boxes will be packed with trivia so when Aunt Sylvia asks that loaded question about how the folk music is coming, we can pretend to be rapt in the story of Harry Houdini’s dad, The first Rabbi in Appleton, WI. Next year in Jerusalem, my friends.

Lunch Break: Capital Punishment Cookies Edition

Look, these take a lot of time and some weird kitchen tools like a marker with edible ink, but you can be thankful that we didn’t kill your lord in 1920, because then you’d have to intricately decorate an electric chair cookie. Besides, from what we gather, you’ve got like three days with nothing to do but wait. Have at it.


Shorties Getting Shorties Get Short

Top that, Sheetz.

Right Now On Philebrity: Wawa Whoa

As you know, today Wawa can start using its AARP card. Over at dad’s house, They’re saying this about that.


Lunch Break: Blood Libel Edition

We know we just gave you some Jewmongous yesterday, but this is really what we should’ve posted, it’s way more brillianter.

Phoodie Poetry Corner: Pizza Coven


El Jefe hath hipped us to this pizza poem composed by our new friend, Alina Pleskova who’ll Tumbl for you over here.

We light oxblood candles,
sprinkle rings of oregano

Crouch over eerie
smartphone glow, cloaked
in black lace garments with
ample stretch room

Our burnt tongues nightly
chant, Deliver unto us
this rightfully-owed
free side of hot wings

With brew pints
bubbling over,
we cackle louder
than the women
with salads

harder than those
in yogurt commercials

10153795_10102261450047853_8288578385537114431_nwith their sensible haircuts
with their mortal flesh

Alina Pleskova is a poetry editor for Apiary, co-edits bedfellows literary magazine with Jackee Sadicario, and spends a lot of time trying to figure out how to write about sex instead of around it. By day, she tricks people into paying her to edit stuff. Lately, her interests include knee-high socks, Renata Adler, crystals (in general.) you can say howdy-do to her on the Facebook.

Your Mom.

Our previous post linked to this video, but it’s a little too spectacular not to have its own post. Y’know how sometimes girls dress up as Slave Leia on their dude’s birthday or whatever, for us, it’s that red jumper… and the boots, you can’t forget the boots.

We can only wonder where Carol Ann Zacny is today. Is this she? Who knows. Carol, if you’re around, get in touch, we’ve got questions.

Baseball And Brie, Together At Last At Gunners Run

brie pastry

To us, the best part about dining at Gunners Run in the Piazza is that you can sit outside and be really friggin’ close to that giant TV on the wall of Schmidts Brewery. Since Kabletown has hoarked up this whole berg and has removed even the Sunday afternoon Phillies games from broadcast TV – which really is in poor taste – if you’re a cord-cutter and you wanna get your pinstripe on even occasionally, your days of couch-drinking are all but o’er. You gotta venture out into the mean ol’ world and if you do that, your options are plentiful, but save schlepping down to the ballpark proper, the Piazza provides the al frescoist of solutions to the baseball question. And if you go, you might as well go for happy hour, you can enjoy many of the 1/2 price specials from 5-7 and be sated and crocked by anthem time.

Yesterday, enacting just such a plan, along with a couple IPA’s we scarfed up some chametz before sundown and that’s what we wanna hip you to. The Baked Brie is a little round puff pastry, stuffed with dried figs, brown sugar and topped with candied pecans and an apricot reduction. It’s cute round shape hinted at a pre made puck, mass produced stacked high and and shipped frozen but we were delighted to find out that it’s made in house with love. Normally 8 clams, the $4 happy hour price made us very happy to chow down on this flakey, gooey, melty, savory, sweet pastry. In fact, it might be the best thing about watching the Phillies this year.

Lunch Break: כשר לפסח Edition

Our old folkmusic/acapella boy band friend Sean Altman, the tallest Jew we’ve ever met, rings in Passover with this ditty.

Chag Sameach, Y’all.

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