It seems awfully slept-on, hiding away in the nether regions of Philly.com, but there’s a lot to love about the three-minute web-only wine show “Philly Uncorked”, and not just the willowy blonde co-host Maria Valetta. Like her bespectacled co-host Keith Wallace, she’s from The Wine School of Philadelphia and has an absurd amount of enthusiasm for vino that’s more contagious than not.

When their noses aren’t stuck in a glass, these guys wax ecstatic over grapes and regions and pairings, using far-flung similes and personification. Valetta pegs pinot noir as a “diva grape”: “It’s thin-skinned. It’s temperamental … totally high-maintenance, which I can relate to.” (Tee hee!) Between pairing and purchase tips and awkward jokes, the pair stoke a total public-access vibe that’s kind of adorable.

Valetta is plenty adorable herself, though she smiles too much, her speech is rushed and stilted, and she often stumbles subtly over her words. But hey, it’s a show on Philly.com, and she brings a ton of charm to the table, though we cannot abide her hideous perm and overly shiny makeup in some episodes. But if you let her, she’ll totally educate you about port, “minerality”, and pairing with vegetarian food, which Wallace turns up his nose at.

Gotta admit: Wallace is fairly cute himself in that Colin Meloy way. He’s got a patented sign off (“Don’t drink any boring wines”), he’s always clad in a blazer and talks excitedly with his hands, he isn’t afraid to drop the term “craptacular” when taking about bad wine, and he loves chalkboard maps of wine regions, though he doesn’t attempt Australia and his “accurate” map of France is just a big square.

Anyhow, each episode highlights something different, from Austrian white wines to champagne to chianti to unknown wines. In by far the best episode, the hosts tackle pairing wine with junk food (cuz, FYI, Valetta doesn’t like beer) like, ahem, double-cheese pepperoni pizza. In keeping with stereotypes, Valetta gets all sultry talking about chocolate but mostly avoids chips (“I’ve got a figure to keep”), while Wallace plays the pizza- and beer-loving couch potato.

With 11 episodes up so far, you can do a full marathon in a little over a half-hour and maybe actually retain some information that will aid you in wine-purchasing in the future. Until then, this thing is just begging for a SNL spoof starring Maya Rudolph and Bill Heder, or at least a Talk The Talk.

Philly Uncorked Archives: Drink UP, Buttercup!