The story of how the Sunday comics’ resident wife-beating drunk evolved into a junk-food mogul is one for the ages, but what we’ve been wondering is: How do Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries hold up against his empire-making Hot Fries? Sure, there’s also Hot Chili Cheese Steak Fries and White Cheddar Steak Fries, but who are we kidding? This race for empty calories and orange greasy fingers is a two-horse one.
And so, the great face-off:
Hot Fries: The old standby, and the jewel on the couch-sleeping alcoholic’s crown. First off, they’re legitimately hot, unlike so many American snack foods claiming heat. Essentially potato chips cut like french fries of mid-sized thickness, these are packed with such subtle seasonings as mustard, paprika, tomato powder, and garlic powder. Oh, and tons of sodium and saturated fat. They’ll also unleash heartburn upon anyone older than 15, but when you’re craving a spicy “Corn & Potato Snack,” these sure hit the spot. And if you visit the right corner store in Kensington, a 1-ounce bag is only a quarter. Damn.
Cheddar Fries: The trick to these is the sprinkles of pepper. Combined with the cheese factor (which includes traces of blue cheese as well, according to the ingredients list), it’s a mighty one-two punch that makes them very addictive. The sodium and fat is the same as the above, but you won’t get heartburn so quickly and your fingers should come clean easier.
And the winner: At the risk of being branded a heathen, we gotta side with the Cheddar Fries. They’re milder (and thus easier to slam back), and that pepper is a stroke of snack-tastic genius. Mr. Capp may not be the best role model for our comics-reading children, but dude knows how to make a pre-packaged fry product.
Previously: Hot Dog Death Match: McGlinchey’s Vs. Pen & Pencil
Hot Fries. No contest. And I find them slightly less messy.
Hot Fries Rule!