Yes, we’re a nation of TastyFlakes from the 215, but there’s something wholly American about the Twinkie. Representing the zenith in flabby convenience and nadir of health consciousness just makes sense to us. It’s why we have a problem with this new 100 calorie Twinkie. The recession is being blamed for these little monsters, because more people are packing their lunch. We packed our lunch during grade school, and that little golden dessert brown-bagged without any discomfort. We call bullshits.

To us, there are some bastions of culinary excellence that need not be trifled with, the Twinkie being one. What’s next, Diet Pixy Sticks? We say ‘Unfuck The Twinkie’ here. You never go half-ass on junk food.

Final Judgment: Resounding Nay.