As we mentioned, Stephen Starr was on Top Chef last night, and you can bet your bottom wasabi mashed potatoes we tuned in. In case you missed it, here’s what went down:

INTRO SEGMENT: Welcome our very very very very special guest Stephen Starr ,”one of the country’s most successful and prolific restauranteurs.” Damn skippy, kids! Cut to the chefs’ ass-kissing confessionals! Proper, but WAIT. WHAT? Did New York just claim Stephen Starr? No mention of Philly at all? Really, Top Chef? That’s okay, Stephen, we know you just opened those restaurants in other cities for the money. Like your hot sexy mistress, you always come back to Mamadelphia for more. The real excitement is right here in the Cradle Of Liberty. We know that. You know that. And we don’t need you to pop Philly, but it would be nice if you introduced us when you went to fancy parties once in a while.

QUICK FIRE CHALLENGE: So, the challenge is the create a signature dish for a restaurant they would open for Starr. This could get nasty.
· First judging: Stephen just told one of the contestants his filet mignon sandwich is a cheesesteak. PWNED. Ouch, but thanks for the shout out finally.
· He is being too nice! Be more like the mean English food critic who hates food. Come on, look alive here, son. Top Chef is all about mean! We know you would never let any of these people work for you, its okay to say it out loud.
· Ok, so he chose the Chutney/Curry/World Cuisine chef opening a restaurant in the one-day challenge. Hinting at something, are we? Starr goes Indian? Ektanental, perhaps?

MAIN CHALLENGE: Whoa, Stevie, you really did take the memo about being more like the English prick: “I don’t like fish floating in liquid, that’s where it comes from.” Har. Off topic a bit, but can we just point out how this new British judge is a lot like Stephen Wells? He is constantly making cultural references and comparisons that make no sense in an apparent effort to prove his intellect and justify is criticisms. It’s a bit thin.
· Stephen loves Fabio. Faaaaabbbiiiiiiooooooooo.
· Stephen, when served a piece of raw fish: “Aww, that’s a shame.”
· Stephen loves his dessert, he wants more!

FINAL JUDGING: Starr Knowledge: “As a chef/owner, you have to assume no one will do the job properly.” Ask Sweeney about this.
· Overall, he is being way too nice! Until Carla starts talking about “sending out love.” Dead faces all around. After the chefs walk out, Stephen goes for the jugular: “When I heard her say that I wanted to fire her, I wanted to shake her really hard. That was crazy, keep the love in the kitchen, send out good desserts.” Amen, Stephen.
· This Indian chick is the worst front-of-house manager ever in the history of ever. Goodbye. Don’t apply for work at Morimoto, Buddakan, etc.

Stephen Starr: He Works Hard For The Money
Related: We Don’t About WriteYou Too Much Do We, I Mean We Can Stop Whenever We Want, Really