You’re in the armpit of the Ivies. Jelly should be enough for you. In fact, you’re lucky to be here at all.
In the wake of the salmonella and death-induced peanut butter recall, University of Pennsylvania is taking great strides to prevent the stomachs of their student body, and their good non-salmonella-inducing name, from being affected. Swooping in like a superhero whose only weakness is peanut oil, they’ve pulled each and every peanut butter product from the school’s dining halls and vending machines, leaving behind only signs stating its absence. But what of the peanut butter that is unaffected by the Georgia plant’s contamination? Well, as Barbara Lee-Kruger, director of communications and external relations for Business Services at Penn, writes in an e-mail to the school’s Daily Pennsylvanian:
Because the investigation is ongoing and the list of suspected items from the FDA keeps expanding, we have taken a conservative, proactive stance
That means no more peanut butter until Gosh knows. But non-recalled peanut butter products can still be found in retail locations around the campus, so students may enjoy its gooey, dangerous deliciousness at their own peril — and it’s totally worth it, guys. Needless to say, George Washing Carver is super pissed.