In exciting news from the app world: Drunk drivers can, for just $0.99, buy a friend who isn’t going to leave with that cute bartender, ply them with drinks, or sloppily assure them that their fairly diagonal approximation of wobbling a straight line is “good enough.” Nope, now with the Funtoxication App for iPhone and iPod Touch, the reliability of technology can help users monitor their alcohol consumption and prevent them from driving intoxicated. You betcha. You just provide your age, gender, weight, the type of alcohol consumed and the time spent consuming and Funtoxication plugs these deets into a standard blood alcohol content formula and tells you whether or not you good to go (and get behind the wheel). Funtoxication tracks the consumption in real time, allows you to select from a variety of drink sizes, alerts you when you are over the legal limit (and when they dip back below), offers the option to call a cab, and provides some “Monkey” games to test concentration, response time and short-term memory. A good test of short-term memory is seeing if these intoxicated, excuse me, FUNtoxicated individuals can remember to enter all of the drinks they imbibe. Just a thought. Apparently SlapApp.com, iPhoneappreviews.net, “The Daily App Show” and Geeksugar.com have all been pretty hype about the efficacy of this fun little download, but as none of us have iPhones except Sweeney, we think you probably should just not get wasted and then drive your Hummer back to Lower Merion. Better yet, don’t drive. Or if you do, don’t put too much trust in a game on your phone guaranteeing your safety from potential car accidents or that third D.U.I.