English Muffin Men To Exec: Now That You Know All Our Secrets, You’re Ours Forever

Ah, the burden of knowledge. Thomas’ English Muffins wasn’t kidding when it said that its recipe (those mysterious “nooks and crannies”) was highly-classified (if you didn’t think that trade secrets were serious business, think again). Only seven people know all three trade secrets of the popular breakfast food. So when one of those seven, Chris Botticella, pulled a fast one and accepted a job offer at Hostess, Bimbo Bakeries (yes, really), based in Horsham and owner of Thomas’, was like, oh no you didn’t. The company sued. And won. Of course Botticella appealed (he was like, I only saved the recipe on my USB ‘cos I wanted to make some at home!) but he lost. In the next two months, judges will decide if Botticella should be permanently barred from making the job switch. In the mean time, he’s searching for jobs on the bakery/coffee shop circuit. Kidding. But it’d be funny, right?

Food conspiracy theorists/espionage movie buffs everywhere are probably putting it all together right now: What was Botticella’s price? Or was he a Hostess man-on-the-inside this whole time? Is there a sultry Hostess exec cum spy lady involved (there’s gotta be!)? And what kind of twinkiefied English muffin does Hostess want to make? No nooks and crannies in our Ding Dongs, thanks.


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